Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You just made me feel so damn special
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
