i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
