Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You were trust falling into bushes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
