he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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