yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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