Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
