I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
