Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
