nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
