I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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