you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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