two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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