just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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