did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
