im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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