i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
