if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
