So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
