I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize