Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
