Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
