Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
