are you still at the devil's house?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
