I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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