i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
