Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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