he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
