i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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