I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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