he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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