I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
