My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
