it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
