like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
