I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
