i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just had sex bonerless
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
