This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
