I cannot find my penis.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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