one word: firstdatebathroomanal
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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