hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
