Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
