I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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