this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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