Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
