I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
