just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
