We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
