Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
