chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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