I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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