ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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