There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
