burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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