worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
