Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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