Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
