I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
