do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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