Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
