GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
