you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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