I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize