my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize