If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The struggles of a small town man whore
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
