We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
