For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
