the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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