why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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