I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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