after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
