it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize