Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
