I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
