Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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