Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
