I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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