Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
