By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
