well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
