I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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