I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
