Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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